Brandon Sevestre

Creative Director

Born into obnoxious wealth and good looks, Brandon began a short lived career in baby modeling. After baby fat turned into baby obesity, his career flatlined. Recognizing that his attractiveness had peaked too early in life, his family decided to give education a try. Indeed, Brandon was bright, and soon this young prodigy knew nearly every dinosaur ever cataloged. After talking his uncle into building a park full of real live dinosaurs, he was surprised a year later when, indeed, "Paleo Island" was born. Few may realize the blockbuster movie Jurassic Park was actually based on a true story.

Like the brat in the movie, Brandon barely survived the harrowing adventure, but lived to tell about it and collect royalties. Brandon enjoyed his schooling years like other multibillionaire children who had been mauled by live dinosaurs. As he grew up, Brandon shifted his focus away from reality, and focused on clay. Few saw the creation of claymation as art, and in actuality it was merely a rite of passage onto his next escape from normalcy. He rejected his family name, Rockefeller, in order to show that wealth only brings dizzying joy, but not true self-actualization. In fact, after making several self-help books and workout videos that didn't sell at all, Brandon was crowned a "Metacognitive Expert". The Society of Metacognitive Expertology, in a rare act, entitled Brandon as Expert, based on his abilities that would possibly be realized posthumous. The Society also thought Brandon was still rich and would bestow some gifts of cash unto them.

Few may know that after disavowing his family name and their assets, he subsequently racked up huge debt. Financial woes also landed Brandon behind bars for grand theft auto. Some considered this a cry for help, but in fact this brought him closer to his self-truthiness. At this time, Brandon adopted the title "B". While this increased his metaphysical bank account, it did nothing to his physical bank account. Thus, he finished college and got a degree. To this day, many have wondered if this metacognitive expert will ever explain himself to all, but he remains cloaked in black as the Creative Director at eLYK Innovation.

Joe Lemire

Co-Founder and Chief Innovator

From the darkness a mighty screamed rang out(AAAHHHHHHH!!). A projectile hits the wall ( THUD!!) and slides down towards the floor (EEERRRPPP). A bloody mucus covered man child has just been born.

Tired of school Joe began to roam about the United States (STROLL, STROLL) and by age 8 became a stuntman for silent movies. Known throughout Hollywood as "The boy who could crash without making a sound" he quickly found himself thrown into the fast paced life of international intrigue and espionage. (DU, DUH, DUUHHH) Taken under the wing of the notoriously clever (E=mc2) international spy Edward "Quicktime" Macaroni, Joe was schooled in the art of spying. (SHHHHH....) A deadly shot (BANG) from over 8,000 yards and the ability to seamlessly blend into a surrounding he was never actually in, Joe was viciously recruited to join the International Spy Organization the Hated People just for the sake of Hating People. 2 Days away from his initiation, Joe had a change of heart (LUB-DUB, LUB-DUB) and decided to venture out again into the world away from violence.

10 years later, on a pro-life hunting expedition near the shores of Africa, Joe encountered the screams (AAAAHHHH!!) of a troubled women in distress. Climbing and rescuing the young maiden, named Kelli, Joe was love struck and quickly realized that he wanted to marry her.

After a 32-hour courtship that involved beer (PFFTST!...GLUG, GLUG, GLUG), bananas, thorny vines (OUCH), and a case of hockey pucks, they were married, had a company, and founded a son who they named after the company.

Shawn Retzer

Director of Client Services

Age: 31
Height: 5'10"
Marital Status: Enslaved

Shawn's first love in life, besides pork tenderloin, pizza and beer, is dance. Although he is passionate about his art, Shawn has and continues to fail at his one true love. Having flunked out of every dance studio he was given the chance to attend, Shawn decided that he would become President of the United States. After not winning the 2000 and 2004 elections, in which he only received 2 write in votes, himself and a guy he paid $5 to, he finally decided to become a web designer figuring that "If that moron Nick can do it, so can I".

Returning from his studies at the 'International World Academy of Sometimes Smart People to Maybe Learn Useful Things from That May Land you a Job in the Real World' he was quickly hired into eLYK innovation, inc., a world renowned Internet Strategy company in Jacksonville, Florida, and also known for its crepes, where he has blended seamlessly into the background.

Using overblown phrases like "You betcha Boss" and "I bet I can do it!" Shawn has made people think he knows what he is doing, when in all actuality the person really doing his work is a magical ghost named "Reggie" from the world of "Dank".

Kyle Lemire

Company Namesake and aspiring Web Architect

Being named after a company can be an overwhelming responsibility. Kyle, however, remains unaffected.

Hours after being conceived, Kyle experienced a hyper-accelerated growth period and became a fully developed child. Not having to actually take any real time to transition from zygote to fetus, Kyle became bored in the womb. Magically, he received a guitar in utero and began playing. During childbirth Kyle played an amazing rendition of Jimi Hendrix's "Are you experienced?" which received a round of applause from the labor room staff.

He created audible gold when he played. Writing songs about curdled milk, slap bracelets, and G.I Joe action figures, Kyle's musical subjects had no boundaries. His favorite subject, his pet dog Lucy, was the inspirational name for his rock band..."Rhymes with Stupid."

Playing local gigs in Jacksonville, Florida Kyle caught a break when a talent scout attended an 'open mic' night at Freebird Live. Fortunately Kyle got an offer on the spot; signing a recording contract with "Up the Volume Records." Rhymes with Stupid now opens for the Rolling Stones as they tour the world. Loved by millions of teen girls with sweaty pits, and recently voted best smelling guy ever, Kyle enjoys traveling all over the globe. The band frequently sells out arena sized venues as Kyle exerts enthusiastic performances, playing every show like it was his first. Kyle's fan base continues to grow...(That's what she said.)

Outside of music Kyle enjoys playing video games, thumb exercises, and having his hands manicured at the local "Nails So Happy" Salon. What will Kyle do next? Become president of eLYK? Doubt it. Chicks don't dig on geeks.

Kelli Lemire (aka Queen of the Universe)

Co-founder
Director, Client Services

Found in the bottom drawer of a filing cabinet belonging to Lord Francis Abwuah, Kelli lived under the title of “Lost and Found.” She survived off of unclaimed Butterfingers and SweetTarts until her 16th birthday when she was claimed by a gypsy who lost her some fifteen years earlier at the opera.

Kelli was an outcast for the remainder of her teen years because she could only befriend hats and mittens and harmonicas that slipped out of the pockets of exotic French jazz musicians. At the age of eighteen, tired of translating her mother’s gypsy garage band’s music into American Sign Language, Kelli and her best friend Pedro, an umbrella with mittens stapled to the sides, hopped on a rowboat and ventured to the jungles of Africa. Fine-tuning and practicing her spoken English with sisters from traveling missionaries, Kelli would bridge the language gap between coastal fishing villages and pygmy head hunters.

One day, Kelli was kidnapped and held captive by a renegade pygmy head hunting tribe. By chance, a pro-life hunters expedition was passing nearby and heard the cries of Kelli coming from the distance. A young hero named Joe Lemire was captivated by her beauty as she dangled in a tree cage screaming for help. Having taken climbing lessons from an Egyptian monkey king, Joe quickly climbed and rescued the young Kelli.

After a 32-hour courtship that involved beer, bananas, thorny vines, and a case of hockey pucks, they were married, had a company, and founded a son who they named after the company.

Mike Richards

Web Architect
Height: Mini

Mike was found in a house that crash landed in Jacksonville, Florida 3 years ago. Apparently there was a tornado that uprooted the house from its foundation and sent it flying wildly through the sky. Mike was the only survivor out of his family. Further review of the crash scene revealed ruby red shoes and a certificate from a rogue group only known as "The Lollipop Guild".

Mike has a strong homely smell and a dedication to repairing row boats. These, however, are talents that will only take a man so far in this world. So, after much debate, Mike decided to give design a shot. He was always given support from his friends at the dock. Mike was not about to let the guys down. So with his departing gift basket of salmon and candy corn, Mike studied design and computers and applied at eLYK innovation, inc.

Mike was hired in May under the following conditions:

1. No Breakdancing (Unless during work hours)
2. Sandwiches for lunch can be no taller than himself
3. Feet must be washed 3 times a day
4. No singing songs, especially ones titled "Munchkin Land"
5. All injuries will be logged under the title "Dumb Ideas"

If any of the conditons are not met, Mike will be set on fire and then let go.

Chris Edwards

Project Manager

Chris's parents were experimental farmers from Florida who one day decided to 'grow' a child for themselves. Developing a unique serum and seed they planted 'Chris Embryo Seed 45790ATM' into the Floridian swampland to nurture and grow into the boy they always wanted. For months Chris was watered and fed with nutrients. On a brisk December morning Chris bloomed from a tiny bud on a 5 ft tall stem. His parents, overwhelmed with joy, plucked him and inserted him into their farmer lifestyle.

Growing up as a farmer, Chris developed a desire to become the first Horticulturist to develop seeds that could grow on TV and be harvested by anyone who tuned into his Plant Channel. Taking this idea to Hollywood and then New York, Chris found this venture to be very hard and wrought with danger. He battled daily with verbal hardships about how his ideas were dumb and became very depressed. Months and months Chris stayed in a depression, until one day he freaked out, drove to Iowa and shot a telemarketer.

Imprisoned for murder, Chris decided to give up his dream of Plant TV and started collecting bugs. Voted in as Rec. Center President, Chris gained valuable playing time and became a master ping-pong player and champion of the universe cell block A. Life was good for Chris and after posting a stellar attitude and work record at the prison, he was released.

Chris, and his 'Girlfriend' Tank, now live in a small duplex and work together baking pies for local carnivals and fairs.

Andreas "Doug Funnie" Lekas
(aka "Quailman")

Web Applications

An average kid on the surface, Doug, err Andreas… has an above-average imagination (He talks to his dog. No I mean it, like whole conversations). Formerly of the town Bloatsburg, Andreas moved to Bluffington where he spent most of his childhood. It was here that he developed an uncoordinated obsession with local coy hottie Patti Mayonnaise. His endeavors with Patti were complicated with the addition of local bully, Roger, err Chris... who took any chance to antagonize the quirky young kid.

Providing some much needed solace was Andreas’ new buddy Skeeter. Just about as awkward as Andreas yet of a different flavor, the two joined forces in daydreaming reality departures. Writing in his journal became another escape for Andreas where he would sort out some of life’s more difficult choices. That, and listening to his favorite band, the Beets.

Emerging from the imaginative land of his wandering mind came a new alter ego superhero named "Quailman". Surprisingly Quailman looked a bit more awkward visually than standard issue Andreas; he sports whitie-tighties over his khaki shorts and wears a sort of crown on his head fashioned out of an oddly erect leather belt. Don’t forget the giant "Q" adorning his chest and his flowing red towel. I mean, "cape." Quailman comes to the rescue whenever Andreas needs help with tough decisions and circumstances. No stranger to embarrassment, humiliation, or feeling out of place, somehow Andreas always manages to land on his feet.

Jarett Millard

Web Applications

Working as a representative for the Department of Pancakes, Jarett injured himself on the job saving a frying pan full of batter from a pack of Egyptian kangaroos. These kangaroos are notoriously dangerous and known to stalk breakfast kitchens around the world to terrorize pancakes, waffles, and golf balls. Though milk was spilled, the batter was able to safely evolve into a delicious flapjack. In the process of fighting off the kangaroos, Jarett lost his legs.

Now half the man he was, Jarett turned the stick pretzel to fulfill the void his legs left. For a time this amputee was the Chief Financial Officer for the Stick Pretzel Foundation. Here Mr. Millard funded ground-breaking legislation regarding the stick pretzel, including a law against stick pretzel torture. Jarett and his organization believed that stick pretzels were to be consumed in whole quantities, while their opponents “just want to eat a single stick pretzel with 10 or more super-extremely fast and unnecessary bites.” To this day, anyone who puts away a stick pretzel inappropriately is reprimanded. Once that battle was won, Jarett moved on.

With no legs, an inhuman hunger for stick pretzels, and a soft spot for pancakes, Jarett now programs the Matrix from the eLYK World Headquarters. Since he cannot walk, his coworkers often roll his chair into the bathroom where he sulks in silence until someone needs to use it (or they make him stay in there). Jarett works diligently and unspoken. He remains in fear, constantly looking behind his back. He tells no one, but Mr. Millard knows there is a pack of vengeful Egyptian kangaroos that crave his blood.

Jordan Stirling

Web Architect

Mr. Stirling is the fastest talker in the office. He claims it’s because he is a fast thinker, but the truth is in his eyes. When we looked into them, we saw his life story.

In a far away fantasy world, Jordan used to be a prince, and he held the heart of a beautiful princess. The two were so in love, that birds chirped and rabbits hopped in perfect musical harmony when they wandered through the forest. Life was good at this time, and Jordan spoke at a normal rate. After some time, Jordan became King and with kingship came courtship. The King’s court, like great courts of the past, had a single jester, few guards and advisors, a bowl of fruit, and 3 dozen attractive women. Using his good looks, he became involved with many ladies in his assembly and quickly disengaged his sweetheart. These involvements infuriated powerful men of his court and his subjects soon ignored his rules. Time got rough, and Jordan spoke at a higher than normal rate.

One year and 67.3 days later, Jordan was kicked out of power and went into exile. No other far away fantasy worlds would quarter this dangerously good looking royal swindler, so he passed a special kind of wind and ended up at eLYK. Here, Jordan was completely disoriented and upset with his unfamiliar surroundings. He was the most unhappy a person can be, and he spoke at the highest rate possible. You can no longer look in Jordan’s eyes to determine this truth, because we took them out. Today, Jordan doesn’t say a word.

Kawise Mack

Web Architect

First, it must be said that Kawise is fifteen thousand years old, so it might not come as a shock that he is the oldest and wisest member of elyk. He changes his name often, but you might have heard of him during some of his reigns as Henry the 8th, Napoleon, George Washington and Indiana Jones. He faked his death and moved on each time, but to this day on occasion you might notice him brandish a whip or behead a wife or two.

Secondly, to truly understand Kawise- you must understand his age has not affected his health- which is why he spent the last 78 years working for a travelling circus under the alias' of Conan, Lion-O, The Big K and back then he would occasionally even use his real name, Vin Diesel. Although The Big K was strong, he never worked as "The Strongest Man on Earth" for the freak show at Big Bobs Bitchin' Circus, but instead as a T-Rex tamer (this was very common for workers of circuses (circi?) in the 40's). Here he would relentlessly punish the noticeably smaller creatures until eventually falling in love with his new coworker: The Gibson.

He found The Gibson [eLYKs server] through the online dating service [removed by request and replaced with an alias]. The service eShmarmony helped the two connect and as their love grew, so did his need to be with the super computer on a regular basis. He managed to gain entrance to eLYK by forging his résumé under the pseudonym Kawise. Everyone knows he is the action super star known as Vin Diesel- but nobody dares anger him for fear of what he might do.

Barry Morrow

Experienced Thinker

Barry Morrow is an experienced thinker. He can literally think of anything.

To truly begin to understand what drives B Master Flex, you need to know a little about his past. In 1979 a woman by the name of Mrs. M gave birth to an astonishing 37 lb. healthy baby boy. This bouncing baby boy was immediately stolen by pirate ninja ruffians. The tribe worked to teach the boy how to defend himself and he quickly learned how cruel the world can be. He fought under the alias Matty Hari for a little known league of wrestler/diplomats known as The Corporation.

B-Man spent many years golfing but only as a cover for his underground black market Girl Scout cookie business. B-Man peddled knock-off Tagalongs for a while and then started promoting more hardcore cookies like Thin Mints. After he made a few hundred million bucks he moved away from this terrible life, leaving his indiscretions and past behind him. B-Man took only his quick wit, guile and lust for a simpler life.

So as it has been said, Barry can literally think of anything--pretty much.

Chris Kennelly

Chris has always had a strong love of music. It started with a ladle and an upside down stove pot. The breadth of this instrument has its tonal limits however, and Chris began seeking out alternative noise making sources. He stumbled upon a crusty old electronic organ and his musical creations reached a whole new level. With synthetic drum beats and screeching imitation guitar chords came a new desire; to get an actual guitar. Chris set up a curbside lemonade emporium in his neighborhood and slowly started building his instrument base, one 10 cent cup at a time. Chris was only 4 years old at the time, so some say he had a bit of a head start in the music industry.

Many summers passed and Chris’ love of music turned into what would have been a solid one man band. Unfortunately this just sounds good on paper. Chris couldn’t quite gather enough committed band mates together to keep an actual band going and lacked the fabrication skills needed to strap a full drum set, electric guitar, bass guitar plus a full keyboard to his body.

Enter Chris the storyteller: So what if his friends didn’t share his musical visions? So what if duct tape and twisty-ties weren’t enough to construct a one man band. He had a dream and it was going to happen! Or at the very least, appear to happen. Chris tapped into his Curbside Lemonade Emporium fund and bought himself a video camera and a computer. A little creative editing, some camera tricks, a custom myspace page, and Chris had finally built himself a band!

Sadly, after a few harsh comments were left on his page, people found out his band was a gimmick and his reputation as a musician was tainted forever. This little speed bump wouldn’t stop Chris though; he kept his energy levels fully pegged as he switched gears to video production full time. Accepting this as his true strong point, Chris established a new emporium, Kennetic Productions. Fortunately Chris was able to keep his collaborative interests alive as eLYK and Kennetic now work together when it comes time to blend video with the web.